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Your child is an “issue”… Kade’s Story: A Series

“I don’t want to go!  I don’t like it!”  My single biggest regret in life has been not listening to my 3-year old son when he said those words.

I was in deep.  Everyone was doing it.  Everyone sent their kids to preschool, why should I be different?  Plus, I did my research, spent a whole year doing mommy-and-me classes at the school, and even chose one of the most prestigious private schools in my area.  What could go wrong?

Your Child is an "Issue" Behavior problems in preschool.

As they opened the door to my car Kade starts screaming and holding onto the door as they literally pull him out to go to school.  So, why did I keep sending him?  I talked to the teachers and the administrators and they all said the same thing:  “Sometimes toddlers have a hard time adjusting to being away from home, just give it a month or so.”  So, I did.  But instead of it getting better, a month in at a conference his teacher tells me–  “We think he should see a behaviorist.”  A behaviorist?  I had just found out that he is acting out in class!  The teacher proceeds to tell me that she thinks he has ADHD because he can’t sit still during lessons, won’t follow basic class rules, and continues to ignore reprimands.

But he’s 3, surely some of this is normal???

One day I get a phone call that Kade is in the office because of his behavior.  He yelled at a teacher and refused to sit in time out.  So, I pick him up.  The next week another phone call to pick him up because he’s now hit a teacher.  Let’s just sit on that for a second.  My 3-year old that has never lifted a hand at home has HIT a teacher.  Why wasn’t that a warning sign instead of a behavior issue.  This time he’s not sent to the office but I’m to pick him up straight from the classroom.  So, I pick him up.

Instead of blaming the school for some horrible reason, that still angers me, I blamed my child.  So, I bring him to the behaviorist they recommend.  The behaviorist speaks with him, has him play, tests him for ADD, ADHA, Autism…  During these weeks he’s still at school and about twice a week now I have to pick him up because of his behavior.  My husband and I are on egg shells waiting for the test outcomes.  How could this perfect little baby be an “issue“.   Sometimes I wish Kade had been diagnosed with something.  Then I would have a word.  I would have a source.  I would have a reason for his behavior.  But no, Kade came back normal.  The behaviorist explained the many ranges with things like ADHD and Autism and that normal behavior has similar ranges.  Since he was in the normal range the next step was for them to visit the school and see if the source of his behavior was from the environment.

And what they found still haunts me today.  Next week I’ll explain why I pulled Kade from preschool and how it doesn’t end there.

Continue reading Kade’s story in “Teachers Can be Bullies!  Kade’s Story: Continued”

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11 Responses to Your child is an “issue”… Kade’s Story: A Series

  1. Nikol Murphy at #

    Thank you for sharing this story Vanessa. I know so many Moms and children that have gone through this. Hopefully, this will help someone before they have to go through all of what you and Kade went through.

  2. Vanessa Law at #

    Thanks Nikol. I hope that someone reads this and realizes they’re not alone and that it’s not their child that is broken, it’s the system.

  3. Nicole at #

    Sounds a lot like me when I was little:). Keep up the good work my mom did and I turned out fine…well mostly…lol:)!

  4. Julie at #

    I could have written the second paragraph. And the third. And fourth. Only I didn’t blame my child, I really blamed the preschool. I continue to do so. I still have to drive by it twice a day and I still feel that same awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about how they gave up on my 3 year old son because he wouldn’t sit still while someone was at the chalkboard. And then calling me into a meeting that was “nothing serious” after I asked if I needed to be looking at other schools.

    I hate the fact that our family isn’t alone and that this still happens.

  5. Vanessa Law at #

    Julie, I agree, it upsets me when I hear of this happening to other families. I think most people feel they are all alone when this happens to them and that is just not true! Thanks for commenting and letting us know there are other families out there going through the same thing.

  6. Beth at #

    This isn’t a preschool issue. I went through a lot of grief when my youngest son was in jr high and high school. I felt such guilt over not believing him, and immediately believing the adults. I mean, how could a child have more credibility over an adult?
    Why do we tend to not believe our children over adults we barely know? I don’t know, but it’s a common problem.

  7. Vanessa Law at #

    Beth, I agree, I don’t know why we believe adults that are basically strangers to us over our children. It’s definitely not just a preschool issue and I hope that parents out there realize they are not alone and that there is a problem with the system all the way through. Thanks for sharing with us!

  8. Amy at #

    Thank you for this! I can relate on so many levels. We went through something very similar with our son at 3 years of age. We didn’t blame the teacher, we thought we were doing something wrong at home (with the way we were raising him). I talked with the director of the school on multiple occasions. We were told that he was just having a hard time adjusting. The teacher sent my son to the office during every class for the last 8 weeks of school. Looking back I realize that we should have pulled him. I was a first time mom and thought that my husband and I were problem, not my son or the school. Thank you for this article!

    • Vanessa Law at #

      Amy, thank you for sharing your story! I think that teachers and schools do make you think you are doing something wrong, that you are a bad parent, even though it is the teacher, school, or system. As a first time parent you really don’t know any different and no one else seems to be having a similar problem. But we’re not alone and that’s why I decided to share my story and so glad that you did with me.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Teachers can be Bullies! Kade’s Story: Continued | Mom Complicated -

    […] This is PART 2 of a series. Click here to read PART 1: Your child is an “issue”… Kade’s Story: A Series […]

  2. “I think your son has ADHD.” Kade’s Story: Continued | Mom Complicated -

    […] is PART 3 of Kade’s Story.  Read PART 1: Your Child is an “Issue” and PART 2: Teachers can be […]

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