I have needed to write this post for weeks. It’s not earth shattering or anything. I just don’t feel that I can be authentic or write from a place from honesty until I get this all off my chest.
I have officially stopped being busy.
I have taken a good and hard look at my life and I was heading in a direction that I did not like. In July we started to homeschool our two boys. I also, co-founded a professional network and designed, built and launched a new site for my sister. Mom Complicated suffered for those choices and so did my ability to homeschool. I was always behind on something that needed to be done. If I was homeschooling, I was trying to sneak in emails here and there and I would get frustrated if I didn’t get enough work time in the day. When I did get a good stretch of work done it was at the expense of family time. It was not how I wanted to live my life and I was drowning in disappointment, stress and guilt. When I looked at other Moms that run blogs, I thought, “they can do it, so can I”. What I didn’t take into account was that they are not me and I am not them. Their family has a different rhythm than ours. That is was makes each and every one of us unique.
One of the reasons we chose to homeschool was to be there during our boys’ childhood. I felt like I was missing that. On my husband’s days off, the boys would go off and do something so I could work. I was missing out on family time. I like a well run household. My cooking and house skills were suffering because I had overloaded my plate. Of course my work was suffering as well. There is no way that it couldn’t.
Then it happened. We had a health scare in our family and things instantly came into perspective. Things look okay for now. During the scare, I set a vacation responder on my email and dropped off the face of the earth for a week.
The change in our family dynamic, my mental well being and the state of our house changed almost immediately. I knew what I had to do. I needed to make my family my first (and only) priority. By doing this, I realized that I made myself a priority too. So I did it just like that. I just stopped being busy.
My timer just went off. My 5 minutes is up. But there you have it. Something I have needed to get off my chest. I looked at my life and made a hard decision. What did I learn?
We always have a choice.
This post has been inspired by Love, Jaime’s Stream of Consciousness Challenge. The assignment is to write freely for 5 minutes. I have been wanting to try this for a while and I am delighted that I now have time!