Top Menu

The post that is holding me back.

I have needed to write this post for weeks. It’s not earth shattering or anything. I just don’t feel that I can be authentic or write from a place from honesty until I get this all off my chest.

I have officially stopped being busy.

I have taken a good and hard look at my life and I was heading in a direction that I did not like. In July we started to homeschool our two boys. I also, co-founded a professional network and designed, built and launched a new site for my sister. Mom Complicated suffered for those choices and so did my ability to homeschool. I was always behind on something that needed to be done. If I was homeschooling, I was trying to sneak in emails here and there and I would get frustrated if I didn’t get enough work time in the day. When I did get a good stretch of work done it was at the expense of family time. It was not how I wanted to live my life and I was drowning in disappointment, stress and guilt. When I looked at other Moms that run blogs, I thought, “they can do it, so can I”. What I didn’t take into account was that they are not me and I am not them. Their family has a different rhythm than ours. That is was makes each and every one of us unique.

One of the reasons we chose to homeschool was to be there during our boys’ childhood. I felt like I was missing that. On my husband’s days off, the boys would go off and do something so I could work. I was missing out on family time. I like a well run household. My cooking and house skills were suffering because I had overloaded my plate. Of course my work was suffering as well. There is no way that it couldn’t.

Then it happened. We had a health scare in our family and things instantly came into perspective. Things look okay for now. During the scare, I set a vacation responder on my email and dropped off the face of the earth for a week.

The day I stopped being busy

The change in our family dynamic, my mental well being and the state of our house changed almost immediately. I knew what I had to do. I needed to make my family my first (and only) priority. By doing this, I realized that I made myself a priority too. So I did it just like that. I just stopped being busy.

My timer just went off. My 5 minutes is up. But there you have it. Something I have needed to get off my chest. I looked at my life and made a hard decision. What did I learn?

We always have a choice.

—-

This post has been inspired by Love, Jaime’s Stream of Consciousness Challenge.  The assignment is to write freely for 5 minutes. I have been wanting to try this for a while and I am delighted that I now have time!

Stream

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

12 Responses to The post that is holding me back.

  1. Jaime at #

    I think we all feel this at times (or maybe all the time?) I feel like I’m constantly on the go, and you can see through any of my social channels and blog that I’m always into something. It just isn’t always my family that I’m into, and I need to get back to that. I chose the word “balance” as my word of the year for 2015. I’ve never had a word of the year (I’m totally jumping in the bandwagon.) Now it’s up to me to find my balance.

    You’re SO right, though. We do have a choice.
    Jaime recently posted…Stream of Consciousness – week 28 #SOCWeekend #blogging #freewritingMy Profile

    • Busy and overwhelmed has been viewed as a badge of awesome by me in the past. I have also held onto the fact that I could get SO much more done before I was married and had children. I need to get a hold of what I can do now within reason and learn to serve my family with grace and honor.
      Nikol Murphy recently posted…Hate Coffee. Love Starbucks.My Profile

  2. Great post, Nikol! And you’re right, we do have a choice. I look forward to reading as you continue to find balance. I’m always looking for good suggestions. It’s so hard sometimes, to do everything we moms need to do, and to do it well.

    • Thank you Susanna,
      Isn’t it crazy how we sometimes convince ourselves that we have no options? We HAVE to do this or we can’t NOT do that. Of course, choices and actions come with consequences. We always need to consider who we are affecting and what our decision will look like in 6 months, 1 year… etc.

      Thank you for the encouragement. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks so far!
      Nikol Murphy recently posted…The post that is holding me back.My Profile

  3. Rachel at #

    Excellent post. A good reminder that families have different dynamics. I’m trying to be less busy, but it’s hard.
    Rachel recently posted…Daily EncouragementMy Profile

    • Thank you Rachel,
      It IS hard to be less busy and it’s really hard to not feel left out when you do step away. It really took me a while to figure out that the Murphys are the Murphys and we are simply us, not anyone else.
      Nikol Murphy recently posted…Mom To Triathlete My Profile

  4. Allison at #

    OMG I am DYING. Read my post please. 😉 Life is one big moment to laugh. I needed this. I love you so hard and am glad you have found balance. I had mine but then….argh! I think I need to stop reading books about Google….
    Allison recently posted…On accidentally starting a business (the life of an entrepreneur)My Profile

    • YES. You need to stop reading books about Google and all the other things. 😀
      I love you right back. YOU have the power to do this and rock it. You work out enough to compensate for the crazy.
      Empty your thoughts, schedule them and keep going.
      p.s. I can’t stop laughing at the timing of our posts.
      Nikol Murphy recently posted…The post that is holding me back.My Profile

  5. Andrea at #

    I’m sorry that there was any sort of scare in your life but I am glad everything is okay.

    I will absolutely miss you and your hands on engagement, but I completely and wholeheartedly understand. Sometimes things need to be walked away from. I hear you. ♡
    Andrea recently posted…Shop NOVICA and support artists across the globe.My Profile

    • Andrea,
      Thank you for chiming in and for the support. It means the world to me. Making decisions like this is never easy.I miss y’all so much, but hope to be a fairly active member of the community. 🙂

  6. I am really looking forward to doing this challenge too and I love how open you were about your feelings and got it all off your chest some times that helps. I think being busy was something I did too for distraction great topic to write about.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge